I'm afraid to sleep, because I'm afraid I might not wake up. Sometimes I think that the next blink I make could be my last, so I savor what I see; every washed out colour, every pattern that isn't gone. I always touch everything I can find, remember how it feels, if its cold or hot, even the things that are peeling with rust. Every sense I have is on overdrive so I don't miss anything, because I want to remember it before it's gone.
Almost everything was lost in the first few years, at least that's what my friend Jeremy told me before he died. Don't feel bad everyone I know dies, that's why rule number one is to not get attached. Getting attached is worse than death because you feel it long after they're gone, it's a pain that never truly leaves you.
I remember the stories Jeremy used to tell me about the before, all of the cool things that they had, that he grew up on. There was this thing called television that he used to watch all the time. He used to point out TV's on our trips, I looked at them with wonder and thought, 'Well there's one of the many things I'll never get to experience.'
I loved Jeremy's stories, they made time pass easier. He helped me fall asleep with all of the books he used to read to me before bedtime. I don't sleep much now.
No, never mind that, I don't want to think about him; I don't want to be attached. Right now I just have to keep moving, all on my own because I can't fucking trust anyone, rule number two is to not trust anyone because everyone lies now. I'm on my way to a place Jeremy called Zone Zero, one of the only safe places left in this messed up world. We were supposed to go together, but that plan is long gone by now, I'm not a kid anymore though, I can take care of myself.
I concentrate on my hearing and grip my pistol because at the moment it's the only thing keeping me sane. Shaking my flashlight as it begins to dim, I slowly move forward to the only hope I have left.